Mimi, Ni Studios
Digital Photography
Breathin' is an autobiographical duo of photographs that I took and edited of myself.
I used a self timer on my camera and that's how I got the shots.
I edited them on Photoshop after the fact.
I think a lot of my autobiographical work is almost centred around negative thoughts and feelings of myself. Whilst this is a brilliant outlet to express these thoughts, I like to remind myself of the good too.
(Which you can read about here https://www.nistudios.co.uk/post/and-i-am-beautiful ).
Breathin' is essentially about my anxieties. I created it in my late teens, when I was unsure of who I really was and where I was going in my life.
It's a scary thing to admit that in some parts of your life, you don't fully realise who you are, your moralities and your intentions. But it is a real feeling, that many of us have.
I had recently gone through a heart-wrenching break-up, the type that you never think will happen to you. The type where your whole body fills with pain; you can't eat, you can't sleep, and all you can think about is how something must be wrong with you.
But there wasn't.
I have spent so much of my time and energy wondering, worrying and analysing what other people think of me and how to present myself to the world. After my last break-up, it made me deep dive in to the faces that I present to the world.
This is when I decided to be unapologetically myself, for better or for worse.
Don't get me wrong, it isn't an invincible shield that means that you can do no wrong. No matter what stage in life you are, there is always room for growth, development and to hold your hands up when you're wrong. This is something that I do credit myself highly for; I will always try to become a better version of myself.
That sentiment is exactly it though - of MYSELF.
It can become a full time job trying to police and manage yourself to ensure people like you, and I'll be honest, a lot of times it doesn't even work. The true friends, relationships, partners will love and appreciate you for exactly who you are.
Breathin' shows the feeling of being suffocated (quite literally, underwater) by the negative and intrusive thoughts that can engulf our minds. In the first image, we see my hands closed on my chest with the water almost cascading around as if I have taken in a deep breath, letting all of these anxieities in.
The second is where we see the release; figuratively and literally. My hands are separated on my chest and there is a big expel of breath (and water). I have cathartically let go and now I am proud to say I hold my head above water, and I hold it bloody high.