Something's Wrong

Mimi, Ni Studios

Nov 2021

Acrylic on Paper, around A1




I suffer with Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome. Otherwise known as the Suicide Disease. It's a widely misunderstood condition, in which the body is in constant pain.

The worst pain someone can endure is being on fire; for sufferers of CRPS this is a constant pain, and battle, which we have no escape from.

The most accessible treatment shouldn't be suicide.

I generally keep my diagnosis of this condition close to my chest, as I've always felt almost embarrassed that I suffer with this. I never want the people in my life to pity me.

As an artist, my hands are integral to what I do. In honesty, some days, I can't even use them.

It's a scary and lonely chronic illness to live with, heightened by the fact I don't know anyone else who shares this diagnosis with me.

In total transparency, CRPS has been getting me down recently. I have always used my art as an outlet and consider my work to be a cathartic release of autobiographical experiences.

I wanted these pieces to reflect the feeling of being burnt alive, specifically focusing on the places in which I personally feel the effects the most.

This being my right hand, spreading up the arm round to my shoulder blade, my pelvis and the starts of what seems to be a new strain in my left arm.

“Something’s wrong” is my outlet to not feel alone anymore, and that hopefully anyone with a chronic illness can feel a little bit less alone with me.

1/4 :

There are four in the collection, titled Something’s Wrong.

This is the first instalment, signifying the start of the pain, and when it starts to spread.

You can see which areas it affects the most personally, being my pelvis, arms and the absence of my right hand from the painting. This is to signify it’s where the pain starts, and it hurts so badly it feels almost detached from my own body.



2/4:

In this instalment, the brighter red is meant to signify the feeling of being burnt alive. I made a hand print dominant on the right hand side, to pay ode to the fact that this is where my pain started. I wanted to repeat the motif of the hand in different places, in a less dominant way, to make it look as if the hands are clawing to escape.


3/4:

In juxtaposition to the piece before it, this piece is a lot more heavy in black as opposed to red. In this, we see my right hand almost completely disappeared. This suggests that I have lost the use of it to the pain. We also see the start of the pain on my left, signifying the spread. This is also abundant on the pelvic area. My head is scattered as I try to find my way through the pain.



4/4:

The final piece was painted completely just by my hands. This is to signify the fetal position. I have burnt to a crisp. I need comfort. I have lost myself again,



I just want to say thank you to my friends and family, and also my beautiful followers who have always been nothing but kind. Thank you for your continued support

Mimi x