And it's all my fault

Mimi, March 2021

Mono-print on cartridge paper

A4

"And it's all my fault" is an autobiographical mono-print, the original size being A4.

I believe that the art form of mono-printing has an ornate, nostalgic and intimate feeling.

It is a raw form of creating work; the mark making is effortless, quick in fruition and extremely rewarding for the task of having to make every mark mirrored. This is quite ironic, considering that one of the basis-is for this piece is mirroring the actions of those around you.

I guess in layman's terms, "And it's all my fault" is a social commentary on the patterns and relationships present from the primary people within my life. It's funny how you seem to mirror the actions or behaviours of those before or around you, no matter how hard you try not to revert back to it.

I've felt alone for a lot of my life, and in another mono-print I explicitly state that "I am cursed with the loneliness to only feel singularly, because if anyone knew what it really feels like, there'd be no f**ker left". I've touched on this sentiment many times throughout my work; may this be written, physical, painting, or otherwise...

Essentially, I am 'cursed' to think and feel singularly, because I daren't express my emotions to those within my life.

And so whilst I'd feel so uncomfortable and petrified to tell anyone in my life how I'm feeling, I am able to be emotionally vulnerable within my art, and in turn produce the basis of my oeuvre, autobiographical and honest work.

I think a lot of artists or creatives have the same issue here; feeling as if they're an imposter because their work reflects deeper routed personal issues than them as an everyday person does. On a personal level, the reason I find a comfortability in releasing my emotions in my art is because then viewers don't feel the need to open up a dialogue with myself about it; they can derive their own thoughts and feelings about it, speak about it, or if they don't derive any emotion from it... move on. It's almost liberating, whilst feeling alone, to present your thoughts and feelings so openly with no judgement on the sentiment itself, but more so on the art. It’s almost more comforting to put it out to everyone with an almost steel proof guard that no one will question myself specifically on it.

The main basis of my autobiographical mono-prints is to resonate with others who feel the same, and hopefully create some unwritten community who are also lonely, or in turn push others away because they feel that their mental state is too overwhelming for the others in the life. I am so guilty of this; I tend to isolate myself but let down all of my guards through creating.

"And it's all my fault" is my unofficial love letter to my own coping mechanisms, however unproductive they may be, that whilst I feel an almost inevitable surge to feel singularly forever, that I'm not alone.